Hello Mindful Connectors!
It has been quiet some time since I posted something to the blog page. And since we all got sent to our "rooms" a couple of days ago... I guess I am out of excuses! I would like to dedicate this blog post (as with all the other) to sexual activity and finding pleasure. Yes! Now that we have so much time on our hands, I think we can all take this opportunity to learn more about our bodies and our partners. Because let's face it, when sex is good it is GOOD. Furthermore, sexual activity holds various health benefits which we can all utilise during these stressful times. Sex has been shown to promote better sleeping habits, reduces stress and gets all those feel good hormones pumping through the bloodstream. Sex is a healthy bodily function and a healthy sex life (this includes self-love) is part of a healthy body and mind. So grab your partner, your hand or a toy and take this time to really connect.
I believe that we have the need to partake in sexual activity to feel connected, not only to another human being, but to our own bodies. And by partaking in sexual activity we aim to achieve intimacy. Now going from wanting to connect and reaching intimacy is driven by the desire to give AND receive pleasure. Pleasure is a motivational force to reach that ultimate goal...... intimacy. Aha! You thought I would say orgasm didn't you? While orgasms are win-win, sexual activity can be pleasurable with or without an orgasm. Intimacy is the aim of the game and we will take a ride in Pleasure to reach our destination. FUN!
We all have the potential to be sexual beings. And I believe (dare I say it) that we have the RIGHT to experience pleasure from sexual activity. In any form we choose, whatever rocks your boat! And the way to do so, lies in the fundamental truth of understanding and loving ourselves in order to give and receive pleasure. And to really know yourself, and your sexual potential (a.k.a super powers), is to understand what gives you pleasure. And "to know yourself, is to touch yourself" as Prof Elna McIntosh would say. Yes, masturbation is healthy. No, your hand is not going to fall off. Promise.
Once you know what gets your motor running it is up to YOU to decide how you will experience sexual pleasure. I mean your job is never done, but this keeps us on our tippy toes as desire and sexual preferences change over time. Human beings are not stagnant and so neither are our sexual likes and dislikes. Therefore, it is important to check in with your partner often. Communication is key in any relationship. It gives you the opportunity to evaluate what has changed and what has stayed the same. Everyone is different- even the proverbial "old boring married couples". It is important to realise that your sexual interests might not match your partner's. BUT, you will never know until you discuss it. Even the nitty gritty parts that you might feel are a bit too Fifty Shades of kink. You might be surprised to realise that some sexual avenues are of mutual interest. Open up about that rich fantasy life you’ve written in your head. If you have a partner, he/she might enjoy it as much as you do! I will also upload some worksheets on our site that will help you as a couple to broach these often difficult topics with one another.
Communication is Key
Successful, long-term relationships are based on communication. Feeling safe and trusting our partner is the foundation for comfortable, relaxed healthy sex. Safety, comfort and trust allow us to freely discuss our sexual needs and limitations with a partner.If you have ever felt the need to be a BOSS, now is the perfect time. When it comes to sexual activity with a partner/s be direct and speak up:
“I like it when you touch…” “I really enjoy…” “Would you like me to…”
Open, frank communication with a partner is fundamental to giving and receiving sexual pleasure. Mutual trust in each other’s desire to please while respecting personal boundaries can lead to heightened enjoyment. It is also important to discuss boundaries, especially when you are willing to try something new. Nipple clamps should preferably be worn during foreplay...ouch! Or so I have heard...
Take this time- It’s About You
Everyone doesn’t have a partner and not everyone wants a partner. Some people are between partners. The reality is: You don’t need a partner to enjoy great sex. I repeat:It’s okay–and healthy–to masturbate. Regularly. Sexual activity and orgasms (win-win) not only relieve stress, but it also boosts the immune system and burns calories! Now you can indulge in that doughnut, and in whichever solitary sexual behaviours that bring you the most pleasure. We have also shared some tips on our Facebook page how to step-up your solo game.
I wish you this time to really connect in a safe and open-minded space. There are no rules, no “right ways” to achieve sexual pleasure as long as there’s no danger to you or anyone else. A satisfying sex life begins and ends with an acknowledgment and understanding of our own sexual needs and responsibilities. Please also see our Facebook page for posts on how to stay sexually healthy and safe during COVID-19.
Stay safe, healthy and frisky.
The Mindful Team